| printable copy of the lyrics to TRAPPED IN THE DRIVE-THRU | |
| Seven O'Clock in the evening
Watchin somethin' stupid on TV I'm zoned out on the sofa When my wife comes in the room and sees me |
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She says "Is this 'Behind the Music'
With Lynard Skynard?" And I say "I don't know. Say, it's gettin' late...watcha wanna do for dinner? |
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She says "I kinda had a big lunch.
So I'm not super hungry." I said "Well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either But I could eat." |
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She said "So whadya have in mind?"
I said "I don't know what about you?" She said "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat." I said "That's what we're gonna do!" |
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"But first you gotta tell me
What it is you're hungry for!" And she says "Let me think... ...What's left in our refridgerator?" |
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I said "Well, there's tuna, I know."
She said "That went bad a week ago!" I said "Is the chili OK?" She said "You finished that yesterday!" |
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I hopped up and I said
"I don't know, do you want to get something delivered?" She's like "Why would I want to eat liver? I don't even like liver!" |
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I'm like "No, I said 'delivered'."
She's like "I heard you say liver!" I'm like "I should know what I said..." She's like "Whatever, I just don't want any liver!" |
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Well I was gonna say something
But my cell phone started to ring Now who could be callin' me? Well I checked my caller ID |
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It was just cousin Larry
Callin' for the third time today... My wife said "Let it go to voicemail." I said, "OK." |
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"Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right
So what d'ya want to do?" She said "Why don't you whip up somethin in the kitchen?" "Yeah," I said, "Why don't you?" |
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And then she said "Baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"
I says "No" She says "Yes" I says "No" She says "Yes" I says "No" She says "Yes... ...Oh, here's your keys" |
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I step a little bit closer
Say "OK, where ya want to go?" She says "How about The Ivy?" I said "Yeah, well I don't know..." |
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I don't feel like gettin all dressed up
And eatin' expensive food She's says "Olive Garden?" I say "Nah, I'm not in the mood... |
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...And Burrito King would make me gassy
There's no doubt" She says "Just forget about it" I said "No, I swear I'm gonna take you out!" |
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Then I get an idea
I says "I know what we'll do!" She says "What?" I say "Guess" She says "What?" I say "We're goin' to the drive-thru!" |
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So we head out the front door
Open the garage door Then I open the car doors And we get in those car doors |
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Put my key in the ignition
And then I turn it sideways Then we fasten our seat belts As we pull out the driveway |
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Then we drive to the drive-thru
Heading off to the drive-thru We're approaching the drive-thru Getting close to the drive-thru! |
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Almost there at the drive-thru
Now we're here at the drive thru Here in line at the drive-thru Did I mention the drive-thru? |
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Well here we are
In the drive-thru line, me and her. Cars in front of us, cars in back of us. All just waiting to order |
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There's some idiot in a Volvo
With his brights on behind me I lean out the window and scream "Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me?" |
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My wife says "Maybe we should park...
...We could just go eat inside." I said "I'm wearin' bunny slippers So I ain't leavin' this ride..." |
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Now a woman on a speaker box
Is sayin' "Can I take your order, please?" I said "Yes indeed, you certainly can We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese." |
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Then my wife says
"Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind! I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich Instead, this time" |
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I said "You always get a cheeseburger!"
She says "That's not what I'm hungry for." I put my head in my hands and screamed, "I don't know who you are anymore!" |
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The voice on the speaker says
"I don't have all day!" I said "Then, take our order, And we'll be on our way! |
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I wanna get a chicken sandwich
And I want a cheeseburger, too She's like "You want onions on that?" I'm like "Yeah, I already said that I do... |
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...Plus we need curly fries
And don't you dare forget it! And two medium root beers No, just one, we'll split it." |
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Then I said "I'm guessin' that
You're probably not too bright... So read me back my order Let's make sure you got it right." |
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She says "One, you want a chicken sandwich.
Two, you want a cheeseburger Three, curly fries, and a large root beer" "Stop, don't go no further!" |
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"I never ordered a large rootbeer
I said medium, not large!" Then she says "We're havin' a special, I supersized you at no charge." |
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"Oh." And that's all
I could say, was "Oh." And she says "Now there is somethin' else That I really think you should know. |
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You can have unlimited refills
For just a quarter more..." I say "Great, except we're in the drive thru... So what would I want that for?" |
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Then she says "Wait a minute
Your voice sounds so familiar...hey, is this Paul? And my wife is all like "No, that ain't Paul, Now tell me, who's this Paul? |
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She says "Oh, he's just some guy
Who goes to school with me. I sat behind him last year And I copied off him in Geometry. |
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I said "I know a guy named Paul.
He used to be my plumber He was prematurely bald And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer. |
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He also had bladder problems
And a really bad infection on his toe." And she said "Mister, please, you can stop right there, That's way more than I needed to know!" |
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And then we both were quiet
And things got real intense Then she says "Next window please, That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents." |
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So we inched ahead in line
Movin' painfully slow I got a little bored So I turned on the radio... |
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[Song plays]
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[Click] Turned it off
Because my wife was getting a headache So we both just sat there quietly For her sake. |
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Then I looked at her
And she looked back at me And I said "Um, I think you have somethin' in your teeth." |
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She turned away from me
And then turned back and said "Did I get it?" I said "Yeah. Well, I mean, most of it... But hey, ya know, don't sweat it." |
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Then she said "How about now?"
I said "Yeah, almost. There's still a little bit there But don't worry, it's probably just a piece of toast." |
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Now we're at the pay window
Or whatever you call it Put my hand in my pocket I can't believe there's no wallet! |
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And the lady at the window's like,
"Well, well that'll be five eighty two." I turn around to my wife, and say "How much have you got on you?" |
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She just rolls her eyes and says
"I'll pay for this, I guess." So she reaches into her purse And pulls out the American Express |
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I hand it to the lady
And she says "Oh, dear. It's gotta be cash only We don't take credit cards here." |
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I took back the card and said
"Gee, really? Well that sucks." And that's when I found out My wife was only carryin' three bucks. |
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I said "I thought you were
Going to hit the ATM today" She says "I never got around to it So where's your wallet anyway? |
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And I said "Nevermind,
Just help me to find some change..." Now the lady at the window Is lookin at me kinda strange... |
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And she says "Mister, please,
We gotta move this line along" I said "Now hold your stinkin' horses lady, We won't be long." |
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We looked around inside the glove-box
And check the mat beneath my feet I found a nickel in the ashtray And a couple pennies and a dime in the space betweent he seats |
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Before long I had a little pile
Of coins of every sort The lady counts it up and says "You're still about a dollar short" |
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And now my woman's got this weird look
Frozen on her face She screams, "you know I wasn't even really hungry in the first place" |
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And so I turned around
To the cashier again I shrugged and said "OK Forget the chicken sandwich then" |
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So I pick up my change
Pick up my reciept And I drive to the pickup window Man, I just can't wait to eat |
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And now we see this acne ridden
Kid about sixteen Wearin' a dorky nametag that says "Hello, my name is Eugene." |
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And he hands me a paper bag
I look him in the eyes And I say to him "Hey, Eugene, Can I get some ketchup for my fries?" |
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Well he looks at me
And I look at him And he looks at me And I look at him |
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And he looks at me
And I look at him And he says "I'm sorry What did you want again?" |
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I say "Ketchup!"
And he says "Oh yeah, that's right... ...I just spaced out there for a second I'm really kind of burnt tonight." |
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And then he hands me the ketchup
And now we're finally drivin' away And the food is drivin' me mad With its intoxicating bouquet |
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I'm starvin' to death
By the time we pull up at the traffic light I say "Baby, gimme that burger, I just gotta have a bite!" |
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So she reaches in the bag
And pulls out the burger And she hands me the burger And I pick up the burger |
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And then I unwrap the paper
I bite into those buns And I just can't believe it They forgot the onions! |
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