| printable copy of the lyrics to LA VIE BOHEME | |
| (Downstage right, the PRINCIPALS have lined up and are waiting to be
seated. A large table is situated down center. Down and to the right, [BENNY] and MR. GREY are seated at a smaller table. The RESTAURANT MAN tries to shoo our friends out) |
Not the lyrics to "LA VIE BOHEME" ?, Please report that below. |
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
No please no Not tonight please no Mister can't you go Not tonight can't have a scene |
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[ROGER]
What? |
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
Go, please go; You - Hello, sir I said, "No" Important customer |
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[MARK]
What am I just a blur? |
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
You sit all night you never buy |
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[MARK]
That's a lie that's a lie I had a tea the other day |
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
You couldn't pay |
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[MARK]
Oh yeah |
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[COLLINS]
Benjamin Coffin III - here? |
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
Oh no |
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[ALL]
Wine and beer! |
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[MAUREEN]
The enemy of Avenue A We'll stay |
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(They sit)
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
Oy vey! |
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[COLLINS]
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe? |
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[BENNY]
I would like to propose a toast To Maureen's noble try It went well |
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[MAUREEN]
Go to hell |
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[BENNY]
Was the yuppie scum stomped Not counting the homeless How many tickets weren't comped |
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[ROGER]
Why did Muffy- |
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[BENNY]
Alison |
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[ROGER]
Miss the show? |
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[BENNY]
There was a death in the family If you must know |
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[ANGEL]
Who died? |
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[BENNY]
Our Akita |
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[BENNY], [MARK], [ANGEL], [COLLINS]
Evita |
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[BENNY]
Mimi I'm surprised A bright and charming girl like you Hangs out with these slackers (Who don't adhere to deals) They make fun yet I'm the one Attempting to do some good Or do you really want a neighborhood Where people piss on your stoop every night? Bohemia, Bohemia's A fallacy in your head This is Calcutta Bohemia is dead |
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(The BOHEMIANS immediately begin to enact a mock funeral, with
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[MARK] delivering the "eulogy")
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[MARK]
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes |
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[COLLINS] & [ROGER]
Dies irae dies illa Kyrie eleison Yitgadal v' yitkadash, etc. |
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[MARK]
Here she lies No one knew her worth The late great daughter of mother earth On this night when we celebrate the birth In that little town of Bethlehem We raise our glass- you bet your ass to- |
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([MAUREEN]flashes hers)
La vie Boheme |
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[ALL]
La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme La vie Boheme |
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[MARK]
To days of inspiration Playing hookie, making something out of nothing The need to express To communicate, To going against the grain, Going insane Going mad |
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To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension, To starving for attention, Hating convention, hating pretension Not to mention of course, Hating dear old mom and dad |
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To riding your bike,
Midday past the three- piece suits To fruits to no absolutes To Absolute- to choice To the Village Voice To any passing fad To being an us-for once-, instead of a them - |
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[ALL]
La vie Boheme La vie Boheme |
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([JOANNE] enters)
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[MAUREEN]
Is the equipment in a pyramid? |
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[JOANNE]
It is, MAUREEN |
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[MAUREEN]
The mixer doesn't have a case Don't give me that face |
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([MAUREEN]smacks [JOANNE]'s ass as she exits. MR. GREY reacts)
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[MR. GREY]
Ahhemm |
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[MAUREEN]
Hey Mister- she's my sister |
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter And one pasta with meatless balls |
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[A BOY]
Ugh |
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[COLLINS]
It tastes the same |
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[MIMI]
If you close your eyes |
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[RESTAURANT MAN]
And thirteen orders of fries Is that it here? |
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[ALL]
Wine and beer! |
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[MIMI & ANGEL]
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou |
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[MAUREEN & COLLINS]
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion Creation, vacation |
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[MARK]
Mucho masturbation |
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[MAUREEN & COLLINS]
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new |
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[COLLINS]
To Sontag |
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[ANGEL]
To Sondheim |
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[FOUR PEOPLE]
To anything taboo |
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[COLLINS & ROGER]
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage |
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[COLLINS]
Lenny Bruce |
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[ROGER]
Langston Hughes |
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[MAUREEN]
To the stage |
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[PERSON #1]
To Uta |
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[PERSON #2]
To Buddha |
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[PERSON #3]
Pablo Neruda, too |
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[MARK & MIMI]
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow To blow off Auntie Em |
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[ALL]
La vie Boheme |
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(JOANNE returns)
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[MAUREEN]
And wipe the speakers off before you pack |
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[JOANNE]
Yes, MAUREEN |
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[MAUREEN]
Well - hurry back |
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(MAUREEN and JOANNE kiss)
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[MR. GREY]
Sisters? |
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[MAUREEN]
We're close |
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(ANGEL jumps on top of [COLLINS], who's on the table. They kiss)
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[ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY]
Brothers! |
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[MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS]
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens, Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa Carmina Burana |
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[ALL]
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC, To no shame - never playing the Fame Game |
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[COLLINS]
To marijuana |
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[ALL]
To sodomy, It's between God and me To S & M |
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(MR. GREY walks out)
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[BENNY]
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter |
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[ALL]
La vie Boheme |
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[COLLINS]
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred |
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[ROGER]
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Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an
erection on high holy days |
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(ROGER picks up an electric guitar and starts to tune it)
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[MARK]
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, Will sing native american tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, While accompanying herself on the electric cello Which she has never studied |
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(At this point, Joanne has entered and seen Maureen playfully kiss)
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[MARK, JOANNE exits. BENNY pulls MIMI aside)
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[BENNY]
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us? |
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[MIMI] There's nothing to know |
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[BENNY]
Don't you think that we should discuss- |
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[MIMI]
It was three months ago |
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[BENNY]
He doesn't act like he's with you |
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[MIMI]
We're taking it slow |
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[BENNY]
Where is he now? |
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[MIMI]
He's right - hmm |
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[BENNY]
Uh huh |
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[MIMI]
Where'd he go? |
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[MARK]
ROGER will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song (ROGER picks up a guitar and plays Musetta's Theme) That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz" |
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[COLLINS]
ANGEL Dumott Schunard will now model the latest fall fashions from Paris While accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub |
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[ANGEL]
And COLLINS will recount his exploits as an anarchist Including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment To self-destruct, as it broadcast the words: |
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[ALL]
"Actual reality -- Act Up -- Fight AIDS" |
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[BENNY]
Check! |
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(BENNY exits. Lights on MIMI and ROGER)
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[MIMI]
Excuse me did I do something wrong? I get invited then ignored all night long |
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[ROGER]
I've been trying I'm not lying No one's perfect I've got baggage |
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[MIMI]
Life's too short, babe, time is flying I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine |
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[ROGER]
I should tell, you- |
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[MIMI]
I've got baggage too |
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[ROGER]
I should tell you |
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[MIMI]
I got baggage, too |
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[ROGER]
I should tell you |
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[BOTH]
Baggage - wine |
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[OTHERS]
And beer! |
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(Several beepers sound. Each turns off his or her beeper)
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[MIMI]
AZT break |
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(MIMI, ROGER, ANGEL, and COLLINS take pills)
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[ROGER]
You? |
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[MIMI]
Me , You? |
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[ROGER]
Mimi |
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(They hold hands and stare into each other's eyes lovingly.
The rest of the company freezes) |
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