| printable copy of the lyrics to MY NAME IS JOHN WELLINGTON WELLS | |
| Oh! my name is John Wellington Wells,
I'm a dealer in magic and spells, In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses, In prophecies, witches, and knells. If you want a proud foe to "make tracks"-- If you'd melt a rich uncle in wax-- You've but to look in On the resident Djinn, Number seventy, Simmery Axe! Walter Passmore played J.W. Wells in the 1898 revival at the Savoy Theatre. |
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We've a first-class assortment of magic;
And for raising a posthumous shade, With effects that are comic or tragic, There's no cheaper house in the trade. Love-philtre--we've quantities of it! And for knowledge if any one burns, We keep an extremely small prophet, a prophet Who brings us unbounded returns: |
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For he can prophesy
With a wink of his eye, Peep with security Into futurity, Sum up your history, Clear up a mystery, Humour proclivity For a nativity--for a nativity; He has answers oracular, Bogies spectacular, Tetrapods tragical, Mirrors so magical, Facts astronomical, Solemn or comical, And, if you want it, he Makes a reduction on taking a quantity! Oh! |
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If any one anything lacks,
He'll find it all ready in stacks, If he'll only look in Number seventy, Simmery Axe! |
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He can raise you hosts
Of ghosts, And that without reflectors; And creepy things With wings, And gaunt and grisly spectres. He can fill you crowds Of shrouds, And horrify you vastly; He can rack your brains With chains, And gibberings grim and ghastly! |
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Then, if you plan it, he
Changes organity, With an urbanity Full of Satanity, Vexes humanity With an inanity Fatal to vanity-- Driving your foes to the verge of insanity! |
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Barring tautology,
In demonology, 'Lectro-biology, Mystic nosology, Spirit philology, High-class astrology, Such is his knowledge, he Isn't the man to require an apology! |
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Oh!
My name is John Wellington Wells, I'm a dealer in magic and spells, In blessings and curses And ever-filled purses, In prophecies, witches, and knells. |
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If any one anything lacks,
He'll find it all ready in stacks, If he'll only look in On the resident Djinn, Number seventy, Simmery Axe! |
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